In The Weed(s)

Hi, Everyone! Yes, it HAS been quite a while since the last Sandwich. No excuse other than laziness, back surgery, lots of medical appointments, and just laying around the house watching TV. For the laziness, however, I do have an excuse…

Like many veterans, I retired from 20+ years of jumping out of airplanes and running around the woods with heavy shit on my back, sometimes firing an odd angry shot. Such a career can sometimes take a toll on the body. I did manage to make it through another career that while primarily sitting on my ass at a desk, had its moments of high adrenalin in a couple of hot spots around the world.

Through the last half of my second career, I was constantly managing pain through prescription NSAIDS, opioids, and various therapies. Now that I am REALLY retired, I thought I would try something new.

So, after a consult with a neurologist, I received a prescription for medical cannabis to treat chronic pain and sleep issues. They prescribed CBD, THC oil (both to be taken sublingually) and weed. The clinic made it very clear that any actual weed prescribed was not to be smoked. Instead, they suggest using a “good quality vaporiser.” When the neurologist asked me about any previous cannabis use, I stated that I had used it a bit in my youth about 50 years ago. He then asked if I smoked it or vaped it. I said that I never even heard of “vaping” until a few years ago and that they certainly didn’t have it 50 years ago.

Anyway, while waiting for the “medication” to be delivered. I decided to be proactive and purchase a “good quality vaporiser” and opted for the Storz and Bickel “Mighty.” Expensive, but top rated, I figured it would do nicely.

I spent a couple hours reading the user manual and trying to figure out how this thing worked. Definitely more complicated than rolling a joint or loading a bowl in your favorite bong! But once I figured it out, it seemed fairly straight forward and easy on the operational side. The hard part is the prep! Grinding and measuring, then loading the optional dosing capsule (keeping the device a bit cleaner).

So, first time doing this, I started by reading the prescription.
“Start with 0.1 gram taken by inhalation with a good quality vaporiser device and build up the number of inhalations taken over 3-5 days. If necessary, increase the amount of cannabis used in steps of 0.1-0.2 grams(s), every 3-5 days according to tolerability and effect to a total daily maximum of 1G.”

How the hell am I supposed to measure 0.1 gram??? Found a bud that weighs about a gram, cut it up into ten pieces and went to work. First, you grind it up in the handy little contraption that came with the vaporizer.

Huh. That doesn’t seem to be much. It’s about as much as that bit that falls out of a mediocrely rolled joint before you light it. What the hell is THAT much gonna do?

I had to remind myself, well, it’s for pain relief, not to get stoned.

It took a little while, but I finally managed to figure out how to load the little dosing capsule and only managed to spill about 25% of the weed.

Okay, we’ve got this.

Let’s fire this puppy up!

As the device reached its optimum temperature, I prepared myself to take my first hit ever from a vaping device. Having quit smoking cigarettes 25 years ago, I really had no idea what to expect. My only reference was seeing people vaping and exhaling billowing clouds of strawberry-banana scented something. I looked at the device and pleaded with it, “This is my first time. Please be gentle.”

Following the directions in the user manual, I took a long, slow draw from the mouthpiece. When I exhaled, there was only a small wisp of vapor. Hmmm. Not sure I’m doing this right.

Second draw. A little deeper this time. Okay, that cloud looks a tiny bit better.

Not feeling anything yet. Am I supposed to? Third draw, same as the second.

I’m still not convinced I’m doing this right.

How long does that little tiny bit last? One more hit, a little less vapor. Meh. That’s enough for now. Still not sure how or what I should be feeling right now. Oh, well. It was only a tiny bit… HOLYMUTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!

WHATTHEFUCK???

Am I supposed to feel like this? I feel really strange! Wait, I’m starting to remember now. Yes, it’s all coming back to me. This is being stoned. Hello, old friend. I am suddenly feeling like I just smoked a whole joint of really good weed! Just from 0.1 grams?

Okay, then.

Definitely not sure what to do with myself now. I have not felt like this in decades. Wait a minute… Well, whaddya know? My knee stopped hurting! No brain, no pain!

Puttering around in the garage just to keep occupied while reacquainting myself with the effects of being stoned. Not sure I like it, though. After all, there was more than one reason I stopped using it so long ago. Primarily because I felt I had outgrown it. But, because of its heavily touted medical uses, I’m back in. 2 ½ hours later, the high has mellowed and about 4 hours in, the pain is returning but somehow, I don’t really care.

I’m pretty sure that I was not supposed to get seriously stoned first time out so I went back and read the clinic’s guide for vaping.

“Day 1
Start the dried cannabis as prescribed by your clinician at night immediately before bed. Put the smallest amount in the vaporiser as indicated in the instructions of your vaporiser (usually around 0.1g). Once heated to the required temperature take one small inhalation. No more inhalations should be taken.” “…build up the number of inhalations taken over 3-5 days. If necessary, increase the amount of cannabis used in steps of 0.1-0.2 grams(s), every 3-5 days according to tolerability and effect to a total daily maximum of 1G.”
Hmmm… sounds like a classic case of “Failure to Follow Instructions.” One, I should have waited until bedtime and two, “one…ping…only, Vasily.”

Okay. Baby steps. Then work up to 1 gram per day.
Wait a minute… ONE GRAM? Did you not just see what 1/10th of that just did to me???

This might be a little harder than I thought.

Sitting in front of the TV, feeling very relaxed, I tell myself, I should write all this down. Then, from the hallway, came the awkward question: “Dad, why does it smell like weed in the garage?”

Well, shit.

Remember, folks, Life is a Sandwich. You just gotta Eat it Up!