Working to keep Peace on Earth.

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

De Oppresso Liber!

From all of us at The Sandwich

U.S. Army photo by Spc. Daniel P. Shook/Special Operations Task Force – South

(gasp!)

There. I said it.

I came to this realization recently when I read a Veterans Day address from an admiral and my eyes were immediately drawn to his concluding sentence that included the words, “God Bless.”

The fact that those words caused a raised eyebrow or that I was even drawn to them shows that we as a society have been sufficiently indoctrinated in the secular humanistic and atheistic dogma of the liberal left.

The elimination of the word “Christmas” from our public vocabulary has been accomplished. New words like “inclusivity” and “diversity” replace words like “morality” and “values.”

Then there was the email from the HR folks of the leviathan Department of Defense agency I work for that states that if you have a “Holiday Tree” you must include an equal amount of decorations for Christmas (Auughhh! They used the “C” word!), Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Ramadan (I personally am offended that they did not include the Druid and Wiccan celebration of Winter Solstice as well).

As for my office, I am banning the use of the word, “Holiday.” This word is a derivative of two words, Holy and Day or “Holy Day.” That smacks of religion and should not be tolerated in the workplace!

Am I right?

Yeah, you know I am.

Perhaps these folks think that by eliminating God there will be no more war. After all, how many wars throughout history have been waged in the name of God (or Allah or whoever)? And what makes either party so sure God is on their side?

I believe God is more like a tired parent answering that question with, “I’m not on anybody’s side. Now knock it off! What, are you f’n retahded? (yes, God has a Boston accent) I said KNOCK IT OFF!!!”

Nobody listens to God either.

The scriptures tell us that God made man in His image. That frightens me a little.
If this is indeed the case, then in the words of the late Frank Zappa, “If we’re dumb then God is dumb. And maybe even a little ugly on the side.”

Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

By the way, the original Thanksgiving… weren’t the pilgrims giving thanks to God?

I’m just saying.

In the meantime remember,
Life is a Sandwich. Eat it Up!

Mike

I know it has been a really long time since I have published anything here and I really have no excuse. But, I will offer up a couple of lame ones anyway…

I have been very busy at work. I have been travelling quite a bit. I just spaced it out. My dog ate it. I have more important things to do.

Probably the excuse that gets closest to the truth, however, is this simple fact: Facebook has made me lazy.

After all, why should I struggle to come up with something witty and creative when I can just post a sentence or two on Facebook?

Mike Jacquard

Woke up and went to work. Then came home and surfed Facebook to see if anyone “liked” my last post.

Monday at 7:20pm · Friends Only · Like ·

Anyway, normally I would write an article to try to catch everyone up on what has happened during the long time between articles but this time I thought I would just start fresh. So, here goes.

After years of resisting the constant pressure and evangelism from the geeks and nerds (read: REALLY smart folks that work for me in web development), I have finally bought a Mac computer.

Not just one, either.

I had always heard that Macs were very user friendly and easy to learn, and having grown weary of having my quiet solitude pierced with screams of, “Piece of crap computer! Come ONNNN,” I decided to replace my wife’s Windows machine with a MacBook. So, I took off work early one afternoon and set out to make the leap.

I had every intention of just picking up a basic MacBook.

Unfortunately, I began to over-think the problem.

Figuring that my daughter’s computer was also nearing the end of its life cycle, I went ahead and decided to replace it as well. I further reasoned that the aluminum body would be more durable, the I5 processor supported longer than the Core 2 Duo and would have a fair life cycle of 3-5 years, thus getting my little girl at least halfway through college.

So, the MacBook became a 13” MacBook Pro.

Times two.

Then I could not get my brain to just shut the F up and accept the purchase of two not inexpensive laptops. No, it just kept going like a train wreck. I couldn’t look away.

I have to admit, my new 15” MacBook Pro is pretty cool.

“I’m a Mapple Person!” – Lisa Simpson

Now I am finding out that Mac ownership is not without additional cost. There’s converting all your Windows-based software over to Mac (sure, you can install Parallels or Boot Camp or some other program to allow you to run your Windows stuff, but what’s the point of making the switch then?). Then there’s getting a compatible back-up system in place, accessories like airline power adaptors, mini-DVI to HDMI adaptor, protective cases, Apple Care, t-shirts, coffee mugs, etc. Not to mention the time it takes to learn all of this.

Thankfully, Apple people are legion. It’s more than a cult, it’s a religion! So I have no shortage of tech support readily available as proselytizing by Apple fanatics puts even Jehovah’s Witnesses to shame. Every problem one of my very supportive web guys helps me with is another chance to push an Apple product or add-on, thus increasing the coffer of the Almighty Steve (Jobs).

Funny, though…

Facebook doesn’t look any different than it did on my 16.5” Vaio.

‘Til the next time (hopefully not quite as long), remember…

Life is a Sandwich. Eat it Up!

Mike

I don’t get it. Am I missing something here?

WikiLeaks is taking great pride in airing the USA’s secrets and dirty laundry and for what? What can possibly be gained from this?

To call Assange a “whistleblower” is like calling… Aw, hell, I can’t even think of a good analogy because it’s so far off the mark. Whistleblowing is one thing, the release of classified documents that can affect diplomacy for years to come, let alone endanger lives and current operations is nothing short of irresponsible.

Then there are his “supporters.” “Oooh, look! A bandwagon! Let’s go jump on it!” (-the Simpsons) What do these retards think will happen? That by divulging all of our nation’s secrets there will be peace across the planet? Time to put the Yoohoo and Twinkies aside and step out of your mom’s basement and take a hard look at reality.

How our species has managed to survive as long as it has just amazes me.

Maybe I just think too much. Maybe I should stop reading and watching the Discovery Channel and the History Channel and focus my attention on more important and socially relevant shows like Dancing With The Stars.

Enjoy the oblivion.

On a sad note, I say farewell to a good friend and brother in arms from back in the day, Michael “Ski” Gudelauski. Ski was a renaissance man. A Special Forces warrior, an art dealer, a television producer. A father, a brother and a friend to many. He will be sorely missed by all. Rest in Peace, Brother. De Opresso Liber.

Life is short. So, remember…

Life is a Sandwich. Eat it up!

Mike

While I agree with that comment for the most part, I think that God’s intent was to reward us as well. You know, all the pleasures of being a “Daddy” along with some painful reminders that we were once the bastards that other daddies were trying to protect their daughters from.

The other day I was at the local high school football game cheering on the home team and watching my 15 year-old daughter, Veronica, performing with six other cheerleaders. Full of school spirit and enthusiasm and more than a little chill (it was the coldest day of the year so far), she seemed perfectly at ease in front of the crowd.

AHS Cheerleader Squad. Ronnie 2nd from left

Watching this and seeing this beautiful young woman who seemingly just a few months ago was celebrating her fifth birthday, I was hit with the realization that life moves forward much too quickly. A flood of memories of silly little moments came to me making me realize how much I wish life could move so much slower.

Little things like the first time she splashed her little boots through a puddle after a rain shower in Abu Dhabi when she was two. Or when napping on the couch I would be awakened by a little finger poking me in the eye, “Daddy, wake up!” Or when she was first learning to string words together in a sentence, she would sometimes jumble them a little, like when one day driving past KFC she points and says, “Kentucky F&%*in’ Chicken!”

A birthday (4^th) celebration at Nene Park (United Kingdom) with Thomas the Tank, snow angels and her first snowball fight in Garmisch, Germany, her “evil army” of Beanie Babies and her First Communion.

Now in her teens, I must contend with the fact that my little girl is growing up. High school, mean girls, boyfriends and suitors create new worries. The horrifying experience that she endured when I had to have a little chat with what I deemed to be an unsuitable suitor was to me a sign of things yet to come.

Then there is technology.

iPhone, computer, Facebook, Skype, MS Messenger, and all the other always connected, instant feedback, impersonal communications and mass exposure scare the living hell out of me. Besides the enormous amount of pressure based on what every other connected teen sees, does, thinks and says to or about each other, there is the constant distraction from real-world things like schoolwork, chores, family obligations, etc.

I’ve seen her being bullied and wooed, texted and sexted (yeah, I took care of that…). I’ve seen her grades drop and her attention span wane. I’ve seen (and felt) her mother’s frustration and angst with it all. I’ve learned that technology deprivation is a useful parenting tool.

I’ve learned that being a teenager today can be more challenging than when I was a teen. I’ve also learned that, for the most part, it’s not that much different, either.

And through it all, her indomitable spirit even in adverse circumstances and her ever ready and easy smile have always shown me the meaning of blessed.

I know that college is just around the corner. And perhaps marriage and a family of her own. Then it will be her turn in the barrel.

And it will all happen much too soon.

But for now, I just hear the little voice leaving the messages I used to get on my cell phone when she was about six or seven that always began with, “Hi, Daddy. It’s me, Ronnie…”

So, hug your kids and remember, “Life is a Sandwich. Eat it up!”

Mike

I was going to write about my latest Daddy-daughter road trip to Germany but today I think I will fast-forward to my current trip to Nashville.

Here are some photos from my latest adventure. My stay at and rescue from the Wyndham Resort. I must also add that seeing floods on TV and reading about them and seeing pictures in news articles really cannot convey the magnitude of the destructive power of flooding. Having now been through it, I have a new appreciation for it.

Thank you to the volunteers that evaacuated us to dry land.

As always, remember… Life is a Sandwich. Eat it up!

Mike

Maybe it’s because I’ve been on the road a lot more than usual over the last few months. A trip to Garmisch, Germany, home for a week, then Heidelberg, home again, Chantilly, Virginia, home… and so forth.

Let’s see… food stuff… in Garmisch I went out for dinner one night and had a great venison stew at a little restaurant near the hotel but other than that, nothing remarkable.

Bratwurst stand, Heidelberg

Heidelberg, on the other hand, was great! I was there during Fasching, which was way cool. Ate some great German food in different restaurants with the most memorable being the Hackteufel. I HIGHLY recommend this place! Especially for their super artery-clogging cholesterol bomb (schnitzel smothered in a cheese sauce). I also had the best bratwurst ever at a stand set up for the Fasching parade. Had I driven to Germany, I probably would have spent a lot of money on a trunkload of brats. Also got to party with some of my favorite party animals (You know who you are).

And, on to Chantilly… the best barbecue I’ve had in a REALLY long time at a little hole-in-the-wall place called Willard’s. Also got to see my friend George’s recording studio finally. Been trying to get over to his house to see it for a couple of years now. Pretty cool! WAY cool was being on a business trip to the same town that my little brother was in on an assignment, too! We got to have dinner together and a nice talk to catch up. Although schedule conflicts kept us from getting together more. Still, good time!

Anyway, some things that have been bugging me while I have been away from the Sandwich:

Lindsay Lohan suing eTrade for supposedly mocking her in a commercial. You know the one, the baby trader and the reference to “milkaholic Lindsay.” I figure maybe I can sue the makers of Life cereal because most of my life I have had to endure the inevitable, “Hey, Mikey!” jokes.

Terrorists on airplanes. Question: Why do they fly in coach? Don’t they understand that just about EVERYONE in coach is just a half a heartbeat from going postal on someone? ANY excuse would set these passengers off into a deadly rage that would make a steroid-filled UFC fight look like a couple of girls playing with Barbies. I mean, come on, guys! You’re sending this poor schmuck on a suicide mission anyway! Why not at least let him enjoy his last meal on a real plate with real flatware in Business Class? Not to mention that his fellow passengers are probably going to be a lot less tense and a little less quick to attempt to throw his ass out the nearest exit (remember, the closest one may be located behind you).

Then, there was the music video I saw in my daughter’s room this morning. First, let me emphasize that I mean NO DISRESPECT to the hearing impaired. But I just have to comment on this. The video was one of the typical, plastic pop divas bumping and grinding and lip-synching to some inane piece of computer generated crap. But in the lower right corner of the screen was a woman in perhaps mid to late thirties, a good 60 pounds overweight, signing the song. That was okay, I guess, but it just struck me as odd and out of place. What made it FUNNY, however, was when she was gyrating and grinding along with the music.

OK, I guess you had to be there.

Anyway, I could go on but I figure if I stop now, I can write again sooner. So, until then, remember…

Life is a sandwich. Eat it UP!

Mike

First trip of the year was to Garmisch, Germany. Not a bad one to begin with, either.

View from my room

The weather was pleasant enough with lots of snow on the ground and on the slopes making me wish I were there to ski.

But, all was not great at the beginning. I arrived at Munich airport and went to get my rental car. The people at the Sixt counter were unimpressed with my valid 3rd Air Force driving license (and expired Tennessee license) and refused to let me have a car. I explained that I have been driving all over the world to include Germany on that license and asked them to reconsider.

They called the cops.

Well, the Polizei showed up, examined my license, declared it valid in their eyes, but left it up to the teutonic twits at the car rental counter.

They refused.

Walked next door to Europecar and ten minutes later was driving out in a nice Audi.

The rest of the trip was far less dramatic. Got a lot accomplished business-wise, had a few drinks with colleagues, and had a decent German meal in a fun little gasthaus around the corner from the hotel. I ordered hirschgulasch, which is a venison stew and it was served with spaetzle. Es wurde fantastisch!

Impromptu entertainment by one of the locals

If I could live there I would weigh about 500 pounds.

Lisa playing a selection of Bavarian music

Anyway, back home in the UK, working on my rain tan. <heavy sigh>

A little cooking therapy tonight, I suppose. I’ll be making Shrimp Victoria.

Shrimp Victoria

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup dry white wine

1  onion — chopped

2 pounds large shrimp or prawns — cleaned and deveined

2 cups sour cream

2 cloves garlic — minced

2 tablespoons lemon juice

1 tablespoon salt

1 tablespoon white pepper

1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Melt butter in skillet, add onion and garlic. Sauté for a few minutes until onion is translucent. Add wine, lemon juice, salt, pepper, and cayenne. Let simmer 10 – 15 minutes until heated through. Add shrimp to the mixture and, stirring constantly, simmer for 2 – 5 more minutes or until shrimp is just cooked. It is very IMPORTANT that you DON’T OVERCOOK the shrimp! You can adjust the salt and pepper to taste by not adding the full amount at once. It is, however, supposed to have a bit of a bite.

Serve over rice.

This and similar recipes can be found on the “old” Sandwich site in the section, “Dishes to Impress Chicks.”

As always, remember… Life is a Sandwich. Eat it Up!

Mike

WOW!

First, I never imagined I would make it this far. When I was a young man, I thought making it to the year 2000 would be an incredible feat.

Looking back, I think I was right. I’m actually surprised I made it past the age of 30 after all the stupid sh*t I’ve done.

But, I made it.

And, as I do every year, I learned a few things in 2009. Reflecting on the past year, here a few tidbits I picked up:

174 / 128 is high for blood pressure
Orlando has tornados, too
I still do not like flying (now, thanks to some suicidal religious moron, I can dislike it even more!)
NOTHING about Mercedes-Benz is inexpensive
There’s a REASON I don’t eat at places like Wienerschnitzel anymore
I’m finding it increasingly difficult to party like a rock star (I’ll still try, though)
What global warming?

And the snow just KEPT coming! Washington, DC Blizzard 2009

Starting a business is not as easy as it looks
I’m starting to not enjoy my job as much as I used to (but they continue to pay me really well and, well, I am a whore)
It pays to be a “premium” passenger when the lines are a mile long in the airport
Star Trek was AWESOME (and so was Inglourious Basterds)
John Lithgow in Dexter was AMAZING
VIP quarters at Landstuhl, Germany are nice
Converting the gas grill from propane to natural gas makes life a LOT easier

Speaking of gas grills… I managed to get in one last grilling session in 2009 on New Years Eve. Mmmmm… grilled chicken and homemade brats.

Then I managed to get the first grilling session of 2010 in last night when I made inside-out cheeseburgers (or cheese-stuffed burgers or, if you’re from Minnesota, “Juicy Lucy” burgers).

Recipe:

Make two patties of whatever type of ground meat you want (I use Angus ground chuck) about 1/4″ thick. Take a slice of whatever cheese you want (Minnesotoans will insist on American cheese for authenticity) and quarter it then place the stack in the middle of one of the patties. Place the other patty on top and seal the edges. Grill on a HOT grill for about 6 minutes per side or until done to your liking. Place on a bun with the usual toppings and enjoy!

Anyway, I hope everyone’s new year is a safe, happy and prosperous one.

In the meantime, remember… Life is a Sandwich. Eat it UP!

Mike

I went out to dinner with my good friend and former boss, Doug, and his wife, Leah to America’s oldest Mexican restaurant, the El Charro Cafe.

It is a small, rather cramped place. And busy! But the service is good and the food is excellent! I had the Enchelladas Tres Mole and absolutely loved it. Be warned, though, the portions are huge! This is one of those “must eat at” places if you are ever in Tucson.

On my way back home to London, though, I had to stop in Washington, DC. No big deal, right?

Well, because of the holiday travel season, the first flight I could get out of DC to go home was on Sunday morning.

Guess what came on Saturday.

Yep, a huge nor’easter blowing in LOTS of snow. In fact, they are calling it “historic” on the news this morning. They have issued the first blizzard warning in the area since 1899.

There are no planes flying out at the moment. I can’t wait to see what happens to my scheduled flight tomorrow!

I’m stuck in my hotel, the restaurant in the hotel is mediocre at best and is not open for supper. Last night was Domino’s. How sad is that?

Anyway, fingers are crossed that I can get out of here tomorrow. In the meantime, though, I am looking forward to lunch with my good friends, John Fenzel and Lyle Hunger if they can make it. But, judging by the current road conditions, not looking good.

So, as always, remember: Life is a Sandwich (even if it’s cold). Eat it Up!

Mike

View from the hotel room, Washington, DC.